Approximate Release Date: October 1, 1992
Developer: Gray Matter
I forgot that the show James Bond Jr. is based on even existed.
On a lark, I went on YouTube to check out clips from the James Bond Jr. cartoon. According to the show’s theme song, James Bond isn’t even this kid’s father! Does this even make sense? Can someone have the junior suffix from a different branch of the family tree? I know it can skip a generation, but I’ve never heard of this before.
I spent a lot of time thinking about the Bond family tree while playing James Bond Jr. I also thought about taxes, the various horrible conflicts going on throughout the world, what I’m going to have for breakfast tomorrow, my mortality, the terrible humidity outside, and how my socks felt at any given moment. Anything was better and more interesting than thinking about James Bond Jr. Anything except playing the game, I mean.
The controls are awful. For the on-foot parts, there seems to be a delay sometimes between pressing a movement direction and Junior actually completing the command. The best way to describe it is it’s like he has gum on his shoes or something. It’s not any better in the side-scrolling shooter parts, either. Tapping up or down will sometimes send you careening into a tree, or barely move your ship at all. And why does it go on for so long? I couldn’t get past the level. I’m sure the rest of James Bond Jr. is better!
Playing James Bond Jr. is actively unpleasant because nothing works and is just broken enough to make you think something is wrong with your controller or your hands. No, it’s the game being garbage.
Tomorrow: I’m pretty sure the true King of the Monsters is man. Or Godzilla.